Daily Prayer #3

Dear God,

I don't know what to do right now... I don't know what's going on in my head. I don't know whether I'm happy with my relationship or not. Am I bored with what I have? Do I want something different in my life? I'm so lost. The other day, I found old e-mails between Tyree and me. We seemed to be so happy together then... I wonder what was wrong with me then. I wonder what possessed me to cheat on him like that. We were doing so well... Maybe I'm still holding onto those memories in hope that something will respark. I keep trying to convince myself that he doesn't have feelings for me and that anything he felt for me was lost a long time ago, but I don't know. A part of me still wonders what he thinks about me... A part of me wants to ask him how he felt about the situation and how he feels about me now. A part of me wants to ask him if he had feelings for me a couple of summers ago... You know, when we used to hang out late at night, walk around neighborhoods and the park holding hands, just talking. I miss those days...

I definitely had feelings for him then. I just used to be happy being around him, and I still am... It's just a different kind of happiness, I guess. We're just friends now, but because I don't wanna make things awkward, I just behave as if I don't see him as more than a friend. I wish I could just get rid of these feelings that I have, because I am so confused. I am so, so, so confused. Why am I feeling this way? Why am I doubting my relationship? Is there something You're trying to tell me? I've been convincing myself over and over again for the past year now that Glen and I are going to get married, but what if my feelings change somewhere down the line? What if I really just lose feelings for him altogether? Then what? What do I do?

I just really need You to help me.

In Jesus' name I pray,

Amen